The arrival of the internet and our subsequent immersion into a digital world meant easy access and increased availability to sexually explicit content. Folks were no longer using their worn magazines or stash of VHS XXX videos. There was ubiquitous (and mostly free) access to a much more colourful, and noisy sexual content at the click of a button. Then, along came smartphones and unsurprisingly this led to an increase in the consumption of pornography and problematic porn use.
The Importance of Porn Literacy
Whilst studies looking at the impacts of porn use are conflicting, findings suggest that viewing pornography itself is not inherently harmful but what is important to acknowledge and understand is the harm that may arise if porn watching is done without the critical framework of porn literacy. Porn Literacy enables viewers to better understand and make sense of the images they are seeing as it aims to assist the viewer to clarify the many important differences between Porn Sex (Porn World) versus Real Sex (Real World). This distinction is essential.
If a person reveals that their porn use has become problematic, they need non-judgmental support. When we approach people’s porn use concerns with empathy and compassion, we create a shame free space where we can work with people to identify any negative impact it may be having on them and/or their relationships, whilst also offering practical strategies and solutions for cultivating a more balanced approach to sexuality.
Understanding Problematic Porn Use
Problematic porn use is defined as the excessive or compulsive consumption of pornography that negatively affects an individual’s daily life and/or their relationships, and overall well-being. Some ways it can manifest are as an overwhelming urge to view porn, that results in neglecting their personal or work responsibilities, and/or experiencing emotional distress and guilt after engaging in viewing.
Possible Impacts of porn use on Relationships:
Unrealistic SEXpectations
Without recognising and understanding the important distinction between Porn Sex versus Real Sex, frequent exposure to pornography without a critical framework of porn literacy, can create unrealistic expectations about sexual behaviours, body image, and sexual performance. This may lead to dissatisfaction in real-life sexual experiences, putting strain on relationships, and making people feel they are unable to meet the “idealised” (and unrealistic) standards often presented in mainstream pornography.
Emotional disconnection
For some people, their excessive porn use can contribute to emotional disconnection from partners (for others it might be what leads them to it in the first place), and for a variety of different reasons, it is not uncommon for individuals to prioritise what often feels like an easier, less complicated “porn world” versus the reality of their real world and actual human connection. This disconnect may lead to a sense of isolation and hinder the development of a deeper emotional connection with real life partner/s.
Decreased sexual satisfaction
Research suggests that frequent use of pornography can be associated with reduced sexual satisfaction and arousal. Some individuals may find they struggle to experience sexual pleasure and arousal without it, contributing to a difficulty in being present and engaging in real-life sexual encounters.
Escalation and desensitisation
The repetitive nature of consuming porn may lead to desensitisation, where individuals require increasingly novel material to achieve the same level of arousal. This cycle of escalation can be challenging to break, potentially perpetuating problematic behaviours.
Problematic porn use can have profound effects on both the individual and their relationships while watching porn as a passive spectator is very different to actually being present with a real-life lover/s who will each have their own unique feelings and desires. Lovers need to be part of the encounter with you, where consent is ongoing and there is space for the realities of Real Sex. Understanding the differences between fantasy (Porn World) and reality (Real World) sex can help you approach your pornography viewing with a critical mindset and help you to make informed choices about what and if you choose to watch.
Seeking Support
If any of this sounds familiar, and you would you like to talk about this further, a sexologist can assist you to unpack and explore your concerns about problematic porn use in a safe space. Each person’s journey towards a more conscious relationship with pornography will be unique. By approaching this topic with empathy and compassion, we can better understand the complexities involved and support you to explore alternative outlets (if you wish). A sexologist will support you to reflect upon your relationship with pornography and encourage you to be curious about the reasons behind your use. They can work with you to establish any boundaries and give you strategies to create a healthier relationship with your sexuality and porn use. If you would like to make an online appointment with Australian Sexologist Naomi book here.
