Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Key Takeaways
- People often hesitate to seek support for their sexuality, feeling isolated with their struggles.
- Common reasons for seeking help include mismatched libido, loss of libido, erection difficulties, distress around porn use, and learning to communicate about sex effectively.
- Sex therapy can provide a safe space to explore these issues without judgment and help individuals understand their desires better.
- Improving communication around sex can transform relationships and enhance sexual enjoyment.
- If any of these topics resonate with you, consider reaching out for support.
There are so many reasons you may have landed here. Curiosity? A suggestion from a friend or a TikTok reel? Maybe something in your relationship has felt off for a while and in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, you found yourself asking Google a question that you’d never say out loud — and somehow, you ended up here. Whatever it was that brought you here — welcome.
For many folks, our sexuality is one of the most fundamental parts of who we are, yet it is often an area people are least likely to seek support for. We’ll see a doctor for a sore knee, a dentist for a painful tooth and a therapist for anxiety — yet when it comes to our sexual lives, many of us suffer in silence, convinced we are “broken” or the only one in this world with this particular “problem”.
While there are so many reasons people seek my support, here are just five common ones.
1. Mismatched libido
You are past the “honeymoon phase”. Back then you didn’t even have to think about who was initiating first, how long it had been — it felt like you wanted each other all the time. Sex “just happened”. You remember being horny, like A LOT, and you didn’t mind putting other things on the back burner to enjoy some fun together.
And then, it didn’t. Things changed. Maybe it felt sudden, or maybe it crept up on you. Now you’ve noticed one of you is way hornier than the other, and the gap between you just keeps feeling bigger and bigger.
2. Where did my libido go?
Your libido has gone MIA. Perhaps, unlike other times in your life, you don’t even think about sex anymore. Or maybe you do think about sex all the time — but those thoughts are all anxiety-filled. You find yourself worrying about how long it’s been, and whether your desire will ever come back.
You’re not alone in this. Libido can ebb and flow. When it does, it might means it it is time to take a closer look at what’s happening and that’s something we can do together. Also – game changer – you can engage in sex without a libido!
3. Erection difficulties
One minute you feel like you’re always erect; the next you’re struggling to get or maintain an erection. Or maybe it has never been easy, and you’ve always struggled. Perhaps you feel like you’re coming more quickly than you’d like — or the opposite, where ejaculation rarely or never happens the way you want it to.
Then the anxiety kicks in, and suddenly it becomes a vicious cycle. If this is you, you don’t have to just “push” your way through it.
4. Distress around porn use
You’re experiencing some level of distress about your porn use. Maybe you’re feeling internal conflict — your use doesn’t quite line up with your own values. Perhaps someone you live with is struggling with their feelings about it, and your values on the subject don’t align. Or maybe you’ve noticed your screen time is getting in the way of daily life, your relationships, or the way you engage in sex in real life.
Whatever it is, let’s explore it, trust that sessions are free from judgment and unnecessary pathologising.
5. Learning how to talk about sex
Even now, sex is still such a loaded topic — and so many people struggle to even have a conversation about it. The idea of asking for what you want, or being asked, fills many people with dread. It feels clunky. Awkward. Vulnerable.
And sometimes it’s not even about confidence. Sometimes people genuinely don’t know what they want and have never had the space to figure it out. That’s something we can work on too.
Communication is one of the most transformative things you can change in your sexual and relationship life — and it doesn’t have to feel as hard as it does right now.
These are just five of the most common reasons clients book in with me. There are so many more. What brings most people to that first session is simply the courage to reach out.
If something here resonated — even a little — that is enough.
