Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In recent times we have had the privilege of a front row seat into the once secret world of “couples” therapy. Whether you’ve seen it on a tv series or been listening to sessions on a podcast, now anyone with access can tune into a real-life counselling session at their whim.
After many years of working in the field of sexology, studying human sexuality and relationships education I no longer have an appointment option titled “couples” counselling. Instead, I changed it to “relationship” session. I did this because sometimes I have a parent and child in front of me, or an aunt and nephew. Other times it is a throuple. Yes, even a quad (yes, that means four times the feelings to work though 🫣)
In short – booking a “relationship” session just means there is more than one person in the session with me.
Together or one on one?
I am very flexible in the way that I work, from a person centred, humanistic framework and acknowledge while we have similarities every person has unique needs. I will check in and ask clients if they’ve had therapy in the past, what has worked what hasn’t. What did they like, and was there anything they disliked?
I often do a solo session first, where I get to know each person, their view of what is happening and their goals for the relationship. Then, depending on what comes out of that session – we will then have a session altogether.
Sometimes it’s the other way around, I have a session with the couple. After this, we end up having a solo session each. This way, we focus fully on their needs while still holding space for the relationship. Other folks just always come to sessions together.
How long will this take?
This also depends. I don’t make anyone lock in to ‘6 sessions’ minimum or “buy a package”. That is just not how I work. Honestly, some folks don’t need that many sessions. And, let’s get real, in this economy? I am flexible and open to working with you on this. Sometimes clients are worried they will have a session then want to see me again. However, they can’t afford a session right away. I tell them they need to do what works with their budget and schedule. Yes, regular sessions are helpful, but I am also a realist. You might need to space them out.
What will we do?
We will spend time unpacking and exploring the concerns you came to session with. Very often people come to me believing they have a “sexual” problem. In session we spend much more time talking about other parts of their life. We also identify and work through the areas that are impacting on their sexual relationship (with themselves or others), e.g. anxiety, miscommunication, perimenopause, burnout, parenting, grief, anxiety etc etc.
While I have been speaking, writing, teaching and researching human sexuality and relationships for over twenty years, some folks have never done this.
This might be the first time they have ever spoken about sex and relationships so openly. And it can be a very vulnerable experience. I work hard to create a safe and comfortable space to do so.
We will talk about communication styles, and explore what kind of messaging they got around sex and relationships growing up, including unhelpful and unrealistic SEXpectations, values and beliefs. We may also look at the ways culture, race, religion, gender and abilities intersect with sexuality, sexual identity and their relationships (with self and others). In addition, we often examine media and how misinformation negatively impacts sexual relationships and gets in the way of people living their best life.
